This week, Faith in Real Life discussed a convicting passage from 1 John chapter three. ‘Jesus died for us, and we ought to be prepared to do the same for others. How does God’s love live in any person who has material possessions and refuses to help those in need?’ Few of us are truly prepared to live out these words literally. Instead, as Vernon writes, we love on our terms instead of the terms of those receiving it. We focus on how much is enough, instead of allowing ourselves to be inconvenienced for the sake of someone genuinely feeling loved. 

1 John 3: 16-24
16 We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another. 17 How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? 18 Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but intruth and action. 19 And by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him 20 whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 21 Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before God; 22 and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey his commandments and do what pleases him.

23 And this is his commandment, that we should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 24 All who obey his commandments abide in him, and he abides in them. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit that he has given us.

It is just as well that we accidentally discussed the middle verses of this passage last week because we did not get past the first two verses this week. They challenge and indict. Except in very extreme circumstances, everyone of us would hesitate to lay down our lives, and all of us have seen a brother or sister in need and have refused to help. If this is the standard, none of us measure up. It is one of the many places in scripture where the first response to the Gospel is guilt—not good news.

Instead of focusing upon loving, we focus upon ‘How much is enough?’ When we are aware that we resist these verses, we throw up defenses and rationalizations. We say, this asks too much. Reasonable people can’t do this. We only have one life to live—or give. It is precious. Even if there is no greater love than to lay down your life for another, we have an obligation to treasure the life we are offering. Even if we were willing to give up our lives, how would we ever choose when to do so. We make ‘denying self’ on behalf of another a test of adequate faithfulness rather than a way of life.

We do the same thing with calls to give. We are incredibly privileged people. It is clearly not OK to feel entitled to the goods of life. It is not OK to create rationalizations about how we deserve what we have. No matter how hard we have worked and no matter how diligent we have been, there are many people in this world who work harder and who are smarter who will spend their lives living on a fraction of what we spend on entertainment. Our wealth should lead to humility not entitlement. But the answer is not to ‘give’ ourselves into poverty, the answer is to be ever mindful that we are all God’s children—and no child should be left behind.

The song “Easy to be Hard” from the musical ‘Hair” (this seriously dates me) expresses the dilemma secularly:

“How can people be so heartless, How can people be so cruel, Easy to be hard, Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings; How can they ignore their friends, Easy to be proud, Easy to say no

Especially people who care about strangers Who care about evil and social injustice, Do you only care about the bleeding crowd? How about a friend, I need a friend.”

It is very easy to be caught up in the ‘big’ issues and miss the people next to us. It happens when our work consumes us. It happens sometimes in our activism, our idealism—even by our theology. But John’s question is: “How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help?” It is one thing to commiserate about inequality, poverty, and politics on Facebook or at a dinner party. It is another to find a little piece of the problem and work on it.

Our big expectations and long complicated ethical discussions about loving often interfere with our actual loving. My speculation is this is exactly what was going on in the church of the first century. What does it mean to love as Jesus loved? Was Jesus really human? Is it possible for God to suffer? Etc. No matter how compelling these questions might be, they cannot distract us from John’s injunction that unless we love one another in truth and action, we can not claim to be followers of Jesus. John’s concern was that some in his congregation were more concerned with theological debate than they were about mindfulness for each other. We should not make the same mistake. Jesus treated everyone he met as a child of God and no matter how poorly we might emulate him, we are called to do likewise. These verses are far more about a direction for living than criteria for righteousness. How much we give is less important than our willingness to struggle with loving in truth and in action.

Loving in truth and action always leaves us in an uncertain middle ground. Even with our wealth, we have enough to make a difference but not enough to ‘solve’ the problem. We cannot ignore the needs of those around us, nor can we be only giving. We must face the truth that we have limitations. The number of people who seek our help far exceeds our resources. Every single encounter confronts us with both our limitations and the expectation that we be loving. It is very demanding. There is no right way. That means we enter each encounter in prayerful uncertainty.

In Faith In Real Life, we tried to shift the discussion from the abstract to the ordinary. Few of us will be called to literally sacrifice our lives but all of us will be called to deny self on behalf of another. In real life, we face these issues daily with our families and friends. How much and when we give is a daily struggle.

Loving someone is to proactively affirm and cherish them. Loving is always a gift and it is a gift that must be given in terms of the receiver. We cannot insist on our own way (even if we are right). We must seek to understand before we demand that we be understood. Loving requires thousands of acts of self-denial on behalf of another. Somebody has to walk the dog. Someone has to get up with the baby. Someone has to earn a livelihood. It doesn’t really matter if we feel like it. We do these things out of our regard for the people we love. To say ‘I love you’ and not do these things would make love a hollow meaningless word.

I like to tell couples that in order to love you must be willing to be inconvenienced. Very few of us start out knowing that loving is about what we give—not about what we get. The same is true of being a Christian. Caring for another human being frequently means doing things for them you would not choose if they were not in your life. We do so, at least ideally, because we want good things for them. We want them to feel loved. This is the kind of love God offers us in Jesus. There was no reason to become human and to suffer except that is what we needed to understand the nature of love. God offered a better way. He gave himself for us to show us what is eternal. And he did so in our language, the language of flesh and blood. It was costly and his efforts on our behalf were not well received. He was treated with disdain and disrespect. That too belongs to loving.

Our faith claim is that we find eternal life in loving and giving. (When we abide in him, we have eternal life). We cannot give to get eternal life but we cannot have eternal life without giving. Eternal life enables giving. When our lives are safe with God, there is nothing we might give that deprives us from our connection with God. Jesus lived that confidence on the cross. We are called to do likewise.

But again, this is a direction of faith. Few of us can be so self emptying—but it is still the direction to which we are called. Jesus both shows us the way of love and gives us the love that makes it possible to live in the uncertainties of giving.

We will never be enough but we trust in him. And when we trust in him we are freed to do what we can, when we can. Let it be so.