Faith In Real Life Blog

“Struggling to Build God’s Kingdon On Earth”

Sharing Christ’s Love Worship Series

Rev. Vernon Gramling

Decatur Presbyterian Church

September 7, 2023

Matthew 18:15-20

15 ‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.’

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This passage tries to tackle the predictable human dilemma of conflict in relationships. In every human relationship, no matter how loving, there will be conflict, self-righteousness and hurt feelings. Loving does not protect us. In fact loving will make us more vulnerable. No matter how loving a relationship is, there is no question that we will be hurt, and sometimes badly. And likewise, there is no question that we will cause harm—even to the people we love the most. The question is not if such harm will occur, the question is how often. Then we have the problem of how we will cope with the pain of such conflict. There is no escape from the real-life problem of discord in the community and the hard truth that sometimes our best efforts fail to reconcile conflicts.

The passage begins with the obvious, we must talk about it—“…go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.” Before we go any further, though language of the passage deals with harm done to us, it is equally applicable to the hurts we cause. It is one thing to confess that we are not perfect and quite another to realize that our human limitations as creatures (translated as sinfulness) means that we will act self-righteously, selfishly and with prejudice. And worse, we will rationalize our behavior and defend it. It is easier to talk about who offends us than it is to face the ways we offend. But both are true and both require us to talk face to face. Such conversations require humility, courage and accountability.

Time does not heal all wounds. In fact, untreated wounds are just as likely to become infected and fester. And in the extreme, untreated wounds are fatal. So, the first step is to recognize there is a problem and address it. I wish it were that easy. The principle is simple, the application in real life is often terribly difficult. Most of us are afraid. We are afraid to be accountable. We are afraid we will not be heard. We are afraid we will be rejected. We are afraid our best efforts will fail and the conflict will escalate. In real life, all of these happen. Our best efforts to love will make us more vulnerable. Our best efforts to love in times of conflict reveal how difficult it is to feel safe in the Lord. (It is what Jesus did—even as his best efforts led to his death). We can only aspire to be like him. Though we will surely fail, we are called to try.

This scripture recognizes these possibilities. If our willingness to speak leads to respectful dialogue, wonderful. “But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” Include the community. There are two important aspects to this directive. First, conflict is not simply a private matter. Its presence ripples through the community—whether or not we seek to stay silent. Our moods and attitudes leak out. We affect others. In spite of a parent’s best efforts, children know when their parents are unhappy with one another. The children are left to deal with feelings that are unnamed and feelings that are too big for them. The same is true in communities. Our faith is not just a personal relationship with God. Our faith acknowledges our responsibilities to each other. Unresolved conflict has inevitable consequences for the people around us.

Second is the realization that when people are in conflict, we are often stubborn, self-righteous and prideful. We spend way too much time proving our case. We seek to be right rather than seeking to be in a relationship. We listen too little. Including one or two others helps mitigate our indignation and defensiveness. The very presence of others—who are not taking sides—helps remind us our relationships are based upon respect rather than upon being right. Most of us know and understand this principle but in conflict, our lizard brains are in full flower and we are likely to lose sight of our calling to love. The presence of others reminds us of our higher selves and reminds us that our conflicts hurt ourselves and the people around us.

But, of course, in real life, even mediated conflicts do not necessarily mean reconciled conflict. So, the third suggestion is to bring the issue to the larger community—the church. At least in theory, the church as a whole has more collective wisdom than any individual or small group. But this next verse is particularly frightening: “If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector.” Historically, the verse is used to justify shunning and excommunication. The good people are in the church and the bad people are outside.

In my not so humble opinion, this is a terrible reading of the passage. Jesus never damned or excluded the Gentile or the tax-collectors. Gentiles and tax-collectors may have been pariahs to the Jews—but not to Jesus. Whether or not he was received, Jesus loved. But that does mean you have to hug them. We always have the right to leave a relationship or to establish distance. However, we do not have the right to treat those we oppose—or those who oppose us—as beyond the pale of God’s love. (Jesus was serious when he said “Love your enemies.”) This is a critical distinction. We have the right—even the responsibility to make judgments. We do not have the right to be judgmental. We must be humble enough to acknowledge that our failure to love is a function of our limitations more than the bad behavior of another.

In FIRL, we struggled with the question: “Are there sins too great to love?” So, I picked a particularly heinous one. What about pedophilia? Surly sexual exploitation of a child is unforgivable and certainly a greater sin than gossip. That is not our call. We can say, it is never ok to exploit children. We can say, no matter what you say, I do not feel safe with you with my children. But we can’t say that person is outside of God’s care because of what they have done. Blaming our caution and distrust on the ‘severity of the sin’ allows us to abdicate our responsibility to acknowledge our own limitations. All we know is WE cannot forgive such a person—which is a very different statement than they are unredeemable. We must live in the real-life experience that God’s love is far bigger than our desire—or ability to emulate him. And that is deeply humbling.

It is a heavenly imperative to treat everyone as a child of God—even when we do it badly. Jesus lived a life of love and regard that crossed every secular ranking and category. He ‘loosed’ a thousand secular rules while binding us to his highest commandment: ”Love the Lord you God with all your heart, mind and strength—and your neighbor as yourself.” The warning here is that if we make rules on earth (bind on earth) about who belongs or whose sins are greater, we do so at our own peril. We are all God’s children. We may not be able to live up to that standard but it is a standard we are challenged to aspire to—in the promise that nothing can separate us from the love of God. When we gather in his Name, we gather around that promise and challenge.

Finally, we need to stop thinking of heaven as a place ‘up there’ with well-appointed condos. Think instead of heaven as the experience of being safe in God’s love and the experience of unity with God that existed before the Fall. Such an experience happens in the here and now. Heaven can be present on earth when we taste the love of God.

Unity with God will sustain us, give us endurance and hope in this world. It is eternal. It provides a path to build God’s kingdom on earth. Let it be so.